Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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