I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
