Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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