He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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