She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize