k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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