Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
