Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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