I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
