i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
