Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize