You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
