respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
