but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
