so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
