Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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