Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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