whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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