How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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