Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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