You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The Olympian is in my bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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