I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
