Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize