Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
