he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
