i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
