Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
