Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
