We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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