Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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