my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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