Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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