This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
