that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize