so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
