I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
