Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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