i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
