I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
