We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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