people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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