I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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