and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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