The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize