i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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