I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
