I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize