I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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