Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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