the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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