and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
