apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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