Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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