yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
