I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
