Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
