I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
