Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
3 2 1 whiskey
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
