YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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