I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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