Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
