I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
