my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
