god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
