he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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