theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
