how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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