i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
