I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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