end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she peed on how many people?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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