I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
