My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
