i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
