i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
