Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
