the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
