if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize